Friend woes

[indiegirl]

I need a place to cry....

It's a long story, but I have a friend whom I've known since college. We lived together for three years, and I have wonderful memories of us...and some pretty sad ones, too. I remember thinking at one point that this woman had the power to hurt my feelings like no other friend I had, and I remember questioning that and trying to figure out what that was all about.

Anyway, as it's bound to happen, we've drifted apart over the years. I've made so many attempts at trying to keep us close. Over the past year, she has flaked out on me more than I care to admit and basically stopped communicating entirely.

I got an email invite to her birthday party from her husband. It really made me sad and mad, so I emailed her back and told her I wouldn't be coming because I don't feel like dragging out what is obviously not a friendship anymore--and she writes me back..get this....

that we were never really friends to her anyway.

There's lots more, but that is the jist. I was happy letting things go and moving on, but for her to completely undermine what we once had just makes me so very, very sad.

And I don't know what to do.

Jesse

[bluehalo]

oh jesse, I'm sorry :( That was very unkind of her ... even if she felt that way ... to *say* it ... well, just uncalled for, IMO.

I can imagine how hurtful it must have been to hear that. On the other hand, it must validate your decision to cut off your contact with her.

:hugs

[mommomrebecca]

:hug

[pmcgary]

I wouldn't sweat it too much either - well it is easy for me to say that...I wonder if it did hurt her that you said you weren't coming and so she decided to just really go for the jugular...I mean if you were never really friends to her - why did her dh not know that?

Anyway, I am sure you have much better friends. I only have one college friend that I keep in touch with...but our lives are so different...

Just chalk it up to some people not knowing how to play nice.

[hunnybumm]

I seems pretty odvious to me that she was hurt therefor she wanted to hurt you back. It's so sad that someone you use to be so close to would hurt you on purpose. A bit too high schoolish for me too. :(

I am not close to anyone I knew from high school or college, but that is because I ended up moving across the country and I am terrible at keeping in contact via phone. And when we were in school I had a different email than I have now. But I have had a couple friends totally brush me off or same hurtful things behind my back when we quit being friends. People that I loved and trusted and poured my whole heart out too.

I know it is easier said than done, but move on and try to focus on the good friends that you have now. Peoples lives change so drastically from the time they were in school to when the 'grow up' and have families. If it would make you feel better you could email her back and let her know she hurt you, but IMHO it is a life time ago and it would be more beneficial to just move on.

Huge ***hug** to you.

[pmcgary]

Gena-
Very well put- particularly from one who isn't that removed from high school or college (relative to me that is)
My Dh is close to a number of his college friends- but they are all D & D buddies who refuse to completely grow up.

I just want to add my big hug too......

[mamapez]

:hug I am so sorry for your hurt.

[ladydemetreis]

:hug I'm sorry!!

[Nada]

I seems pretty odvious to me that she was hurt therefor she wanted to hurt you back. It's so sad that someone you use to be so close to would hurt you on purpose. A bit too high schoolish for me too. :(


:nod

:hug

Nada :(

[ravingcutie]

I'm sorry, Jesse. No matter how much water has passes under the bridge, it still hurts when someone betrays your friendship.
[align=center:5cf70c83a8] :bighug :bighug :bighug :bighug :bighug [/align:5cf70c83a8]

[pamelamama]

She's a big fat jerk and she's BANNED from woolywonder forums!!!! :getu BANNED I SAY!!! :getu

[averymybaby]

Want me to beat her up? :rant



Seriously, what she did was rotten. :bighug I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

[BethyM99]

It's tough! Interestingly, I'm getting together with a HS/College friend tomorrow that I lost contact with about 6 years ago. It will be interesting... we lost contact because of much the same thing. All the effort was on one side. Like they said, remember the good friends... in time it will be easier. For now, it sucks. Don't let her get the best of you. :hug

[CraftyMommaOf2]

oh jesse! that is just being a bitch if you ask me. :stern: i would say me and julia could go egg her car but we don't eat eggs and i don't think using egg replacer would have the same effect. :lookroun: it's amazing how easily a few careless words can hurt us so deeply, isn't it? i think i would email her back and tell her that she hurt you and that if you hurt her you are sorry. and leave it alone. my heart goes out to you , hon. :hug

[Ruth]

Jesse,

I know how awful it is to have someone who you thought cared for you say something so hurtful. :bighug not much can make it better either. My best friend from uni introduced me to my dh and when we got together she was so jealous that our friendship broke down irrepairably and I still miss her friendship now 5 years on. It's sad that we have so few close friends in our lifetime and even sadder when someone we counted among them betrays us.

So all that said - she's probably hurt that you wouldn't come, as the others said. I hope it doesn't turn out to be that much of a loss after all :hug .

[Susan_WW]

Oh Jesse :hug

[geowalkmama]

Jesse,

That was a rotten thing for her to say. I am so sorry that she has hurt your feelings so. ooooo why do people have to be so rotten? :splat

I say let her go, but don't burn the bridge. She may realize what an arse she has been, and want to aplolgize... but for you I would cry a little over the loss of a formally good friend then just try to let it go. ( I know how terribly hard this is).

:hug

[indiegirl]

Wow, you guys are really nice.

A bit more information: I was direct but very nice when I told her I wasn't coming. I said that I felt hurt and sad that she never returned my attempts at sustaining our friendship. I also said that we should let the friendship go if she doesn't want to be friends, but that I wasn't interested in a superficial friendship.

That's when she said we were never really friends. And that her life was so complicated: working, being pregnant, having a husband and an extended family. She only had time for a very few, select friends. She talked on and on about how exhausting it was... (I'll bet none of you can relate to this because it's such a unique situation :getu )

So I told her that if we were never really friends then she could have fooled me and that my miscalculation was more difficult to digest than the demise of what was once a great friendship. Yadda yadda yadda.

She responed by saying she didn't want to respond and that she hoped there wouldn't be any "major drama" the next time we were in each other's company.

Like I'd stir up drama. Whatevah.

I personally think that she is just coping out and that she doesn't know how to sustain real relationships because she has never lived in one place longer than a couple of years (up until college--she settled in the area). She went to bording school and had to adapt to people moving in and out of her life.

I'm less hurt over the loss and angry at her attempts to justify it all. KWIM?

Yeah, beat her up you guys! LOL.